THE HOME DEPOT...



So as I grow older I am learning to do things that I haven't needed or wanted to do, for example lawn care. I currently live in a rental home but plan to have my own home someday and my landlord approached me about doing the lawn myself and taking 50 dollars off the rent. In these trying times where every spare penny is needed for gas I took him up on the offer and began mowing the lawn and taking care of the yard. In taking on this task I have begun to frequent a store I usually wouldn't do my shopping in. The good ol` Home Depot. The De-POT as I like to call it has a interesting set up as it is. You don't run into the same clientele that you would run into at safeway or at target or at the mall. I have taken the liberty of breaking the customers down into categorys to help you under stand.

First and foremost on the Home Depot Totem pole is are the SHOULDBE's. These are the people that genuinely belong there, the contractors, the plumbers, the painters, the handymen. These people are obvious to point out as they fly around the store seemingly know where every item is without asking one of those people in the orange aprons for help. As far as a consumer, I respect them being there as I am in their world. Another sign of the SHOULDBE's is their oversized pick-up trucks taking up multiple spots in the parking lot.

The Second rung of the HOME DEPOT totem pole are the WEEDERS. These are the people that go to Home depot simply for the Garden dept. Even worse they actually hang out there, I was trying to get help with a little Turfbuilder for my lawn and the old Orangy was too busy talking to a customer about the "way a bulb reacts to the direct sunlight during the fall months". Which would be fine but they were obvioulsy chatting not shopping. These customers can be detected by their obvious loitering in and around the garden dept. When they cant find someone to talk to they pick up the self help gardening books to eat up time until someone becomes available.

This next rung is where I fit in, I am proud to be part of the LOOKLIKE's. We are the ones who wander aimlessly through the HUGE warehouse always picking the wrong aisle, and refuse to ask for help because no matter which aisle we wander down there is always something we think we might need in the future. We also have this look on our faces like our mothers just dropped us off in the middle of the mall during Xmas season. HUGE bulging eyes and slow small steps around every corner. We are a very funny group to watch as I watched some of my brethren wander yesterday.

Last but definitely not least we have my favorite Deponite, the JOBBERS. Their are people who actually hang around the store looking for work. Asking the SHOULDBE's for work and trying to drop their expertise in handiness to all who will hear.
Apparently there is a nice man willing to help me with my lawn and my
turfbuilder if I need. I told him i think I could figure it out. Not to mention
he looked like Derrick Turnbow's crazy cousin, minus teeth and add more psycho. I don't want to label the guy but I am fairly sure he has overalls and a meat cleaver in his truck. I wasn't in the mood to find out.

So next time you are at the depot check it out, I would love to know what category you would be in. I now know that I am proud to be a LOOKLIKE

SHOUTS OUT
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LYDELL "Da Sneak" Willis
Katie "hook em Horns" Fox
Tiffy "10 weeks of vacation" Bittner
Derrick Turnbow's crazy cousin