I need to speak to the masses. By the masses I mean the 200 BaJillion (yes I said Bajillion) poker players in world, in particular the 199,999,999,999,993,000 that jumped on the bandwagon after the poker boom. I have played for about 6-7 years now and i do enjoy the casual game much more than the big tourney's these days. Reason being there are too many characters trying to make a name for themselves by being as much like juiced up Wrestlers as they can. There are many stars of Poker, Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, Johnny "Sorry John, I dont remember" Chan, Scotty Ngyugen, Phil Ivey. Not to mention your one hit wonders like Chris Moneymaker, and Robert Varkoni. All of these players learned and followed this game because of Legends like Doyle Brunson, and Amarillo Slim, and Stu Unger. However one of the most popular and well liked poker Players is Phil Helmuth. For the record, I cannot stand this guy. He is the most arrogant, pompus, egotistical piece of crap i have ever seen on TV. He makes Rickey Henderson look like Mother Teresa. The other day my roomate and I were watching one of the 7 million different World series of poker tournaments. I think there is No limit, limit, pot limit, speed limit, short handed, left handed, omaha, omaha hi, Omaha lo, Hi in Omaha just to name a few. The one we were actually watching was the real world series of poker, you know one stack of high society (ten Grand to you non-rounders reading) game you see in the movies. Phil (should've been a cop) Helmuth was getting beaten by this older gentleman from new york, and Phil just continued to belittle him on national TV. I was getting so irritated, because i would never let any man talk to me that way, i dont care who you are. So I began thinking of how much i would lay into this egotistical bastard if i ever played him. First he tries to intimidate you by staring at you, not a problem.... i have dealt with much tougher foster children and their staring contests. Second, he tries to talk you into giving you up a tell by talking crap and misdirecting you therefore letting him know how he should bet or react. This is where i bust an Emiril and Kick it up a notch. I would give him the full Gary Payton treatment, i mean work him over good. Quotes such as "lay it down phil", "Phil I am going to tear you up right now", "unless you wanna go home now lay it down overhyped", "I hope you got tickets to Danny Gans because your not coming back here tomorrow", "I hope you are good at craps because if you call or raise your day is over", and "set them down son" (that oughta really fire him up).

Here is my reasoning, he is a poker god and i feel its a win win situation. If i talk all that crap and he beats me then at least i get some air time and i got knocked out by a legend. However, if i win, OH IF I WIN, he will never get me to shut up. He will probably try to get a floor person to shut me up because he is a rich baby/computer nerd. (granted i know he is a genius but that doesnt help my story) Not only will i get air time but it would be a great story my friends and myself could tell over the years. So next time you see Phil Helmuth trying to intimidate a player at the table just think someday scotts gonna work that guy over!!!!!